I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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