mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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