Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
