If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
