The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
