and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
