people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So squirting runs in the family.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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