is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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