What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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