I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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