Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
