you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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