At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
