apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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