Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
