Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
