God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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