So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
