What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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