I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
