I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
