it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
