i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
