Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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