everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Who died my cat blue again?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
