how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
