Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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