I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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