I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
