I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
