why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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