Jerry, you need to find god
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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