your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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