I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
