I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
