Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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