when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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