I just pynch a tree in the face
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
there is glitter all over my balls
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