just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
