So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
