She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
