why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
