Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I had to cum in my sink.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
