I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
