Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
