imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
