I can text with my tongue
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
