How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
