I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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