I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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