He disabled his match.com account in front of me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
